A big secret to life's success that I have to constantly remind myself of: If I really want something, I have to ask for it and really believe I deserve it.
Sure, asking may require a bit of courage like asking for a job, a raise, or promotion, but it’s not the size of the ask or even the answer that matters. And no matter how big or intimidating the person we may need to ask is, it's not about them either. 1) Let go of expectations, outcomes and the fear of rejection. Just ASK.
What matters is the action of asking and not concerning ourselves with getting a YES or the fear of receiving a NO. Because what I have come to learn (and this is a big valuable discovery) is it's about getting good at asking and letting go of outcomes as the single most important action. It's the process of asking and once you start asking you inevitably get closer and closer to your YES. The NO responses are all there for a reason. We learn from each 'NO' and get better and better at asking. ‘ASKING’ is like exercising a muscle. The act of ASKING sends signals out to the world because the more you do it, the more your world expands and starts revealing information you didn't know before asking. Just the simple act of ASKING serves up all kinds of new information and options for you.
2) A NO response divulges information...and that's power.
The worst that can happen is you get a NO response. Big deal. NO is not the end unless we decide to give up. No one likes being rejected. In fact just the thought of being rejected is often what stops most people from asking in the first place. But what's the worst that can happen? Nothing. In fact what you do get is the power of knowing where you stand with who you ask. That information alone can lead you to make some powerful shifts and decisions in your life. What if a boss said NO to your request for a raise or a promotion? Does that mean you are doomed to stay where you are making what you make forever? NO, it means you now know this is not the job for growth and time to set the wheels in motion of where you can continue to grow and work for an organization that supports your career progression aspirations.
3) NO responses actually help us grow and improve.
They are often necessary hurdles that propels us to up our game. Imagine for a minute if we all received YES’s every time we asked for something – it certainly wouldn’t make us want to strive harder or dedicate ourselves to hone our craft if it all came too easy, would it? The world would be mediocre at best.
NO is a necessary process. It give us feedback on how to improve. A NO might lead us to meeting the right person, it closes the doors that need closing and leads us towards doors that will open. NO responses teaches us something. NO makes us mentally and emotionally resilient. NO makes us go back to the drawing board and improve things – our craft, our product or improving how and who we ask. NO, makes us better and pushes us beyond our comfort zones – and that’s where we step into our best selves. Thank god my first draft of my book was rejected. It was awful!
4) NO, is a test. It separates the ones that really want something from the ones who simply can't handle the rejection of a NO.
Many deny themselves the very thing that would give them the most fulfillment and sense of accomplishment. But how many NO's can we take?! Turns out a lot...
Arianna Huffington received 36 rejection letters from publishers for her second book before she finally found her yes. Steven Spielberg was rejected by the University of Southern California School of Theatre, Film, and Television – not once, or twice but three times! There are countless examples of how many rejections people received before they finally got their YES. There are millions of examples like this. We have to get a little more tough-skinned to weather the word NO and keep going. It's another rung on the ladder to finding our YES.
5) The world is not fair. Unfortunately the most talented are not the ones that get what they truly want. The ones that ASK do.
The world opens beyond comprehension when we dare to ASK. Truth is, the ones that ask may not be the most qualified or outstanding person in their field. They are however the bold ones, brave enough, perseverant and resilient enough to keep on asking. I'm a fairly decent singer and to make a living as one has always been a little dream of mine. Let’s face it, a regular gig or record deal wasn't going to just knock on my door. I have always said the only difference between myself and someone with a hit song on the radio is that they went for it and kept asking. I didn't. I allowed some early rejections to rob me of my confidence and question whether I was even good enough.
6) There is NO harm in ASKING.
Big or small, what will you ASK for today? How will you make ASKING a regular part of your actions? Will you ask someone for help? Will you ASK for the business? Will you ASK for a chance to showcase yourself in some way? Will you ASK for a referral? Will you ask someone to read your book or listen to your song you wrote? Will you ASK for money to invest in your business idea? Will you ASK for the opportunity to be considered for a gig, a job, a part, a contract…? What if you just started with ASKING yourself “Can I muster up the courage to ASK?” or “What’s my ASK today?”
That old wise saying “There’s no harm in asking” is profoundly true. Because we know - the worst thing that can happen is they’ll say NO. The world will not implode because you asked and received a NO. And we know, a NO often feels like the worst thing to happen but in truth, the worst thing is not asking at all and never achieving what might have been. Not asking is a big flat out NO you said to yourself.
You read this today for a reason.